I Decided To Be What I’ve Been Looking For

I took my time with this one and I do mean took my time. It’s been a good three to four years and I said I wouldn’t do it because others have. Some of which I’ve been part of as well. The change of heart came from personal wants and needs. I’ve been looking for this kind of person and no one has filled that space yet. So, I decided to be this person for others and that’s how I created my village.

I’ve been longing for this specific kind of friend in my life for a while and haven’t found them. I’ve found different qualities of this imaginary person in others, but I see now that no one person will have every single piece that I’m looking for. I’m a firm believer that we all need someone no matter how much we try to hide and fight that fact. I wanted so bad to find the “perfect friend” that I forgot everyone can’t be a friend. I’ve nurtured all of these relationships that have been built on much of nothing. I’ve been the,

  • Tag along – the person you call when those you really want aren’t around and/or don’t want to partake in your adventures.
  • Third wheel – the person who’s there with you and significant other and now that I look back, I don’t understand why I EVER agreed to tag along.
  • The safe option – the person you run to because you know they won’t give you what others will.
  • The user – the person you go to when you can’t get something done and want it cheaper or free.
  • The waiter – the person you know who if you tell them what they want to hear they’ll go away.

And I for sure was the dummy to believe them until I understood why and how I was hurting myself.

As you can see, I’ve been keeping track and I’m just about over it. With that being said I don’t want to waste anymore time looking for this person. I’ve been looking for the perfect friend that I completely bypassed the fact that I don’t even have many people in my life who are here for me, willingly and wholeheartedly. You know some people stay around because they feel bad for you, but you can catch their, “I really don’t care” drift. Believe me, it’s a real sad feeling. I know someone is saying or thinking, “My significant other is all of this” and that’s just it. I want and need a life outside of my spouse and our children. That is a huge reason I finally decided to start this.

I’ve participated in other motivational groups with people I know, and I chose to talk with them before I finalized my decision because I don’t need anyone to feel shaded. Yeah, sure, you can say “you don’t owe anyone anything” but got damn I do believe in decency. Then again, that’s who EYE (I) am. People see things how they want not how you want them to and that was my reasoning behind it. I gave the background and underlining goal so I’m hoping that was understood.

Might I add that I am doing this on my own for the sake of my mental. I have thought of so many people who could fill-in when I fallout (just don’t feel like it), but I know me and how I like things done. I’m a human, a mother, a wife, a stay-at-home mom – and if that last one doesn’t put the stress on top, I don’t know what will. You get it? Stress on… okay never mind. I’m all of these things but overall, I am a human being who has my days and I want others to understand that and know that it’s okay for them too. I decided to go about this in a way that basically gives it all away – if you will. You don’t have to guess anything because I’ll tell you before you decide to join. I’ve also opened this to the public because I know that staying in my comfort zone won’t help me reach many. I’m comfortable with meeting strangers and I know that someone is looking for what I have been, but chose to be instead.

I’m hoping people find joy, structure and support – to name a few – from this. Again, we’re all human and we all need someone no matter how much we want to fight that fact. 

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