There are so many parents who are upset when their – now adult – children say things like, “You could never live with me”, “It’s hard for me to be around you” and “You’re just unnecessary”. These are things they get upset about because they don’t and can’t see their toxic traits. All they ever saw and still see is that they’re your parent and they can treat you however because they took care of you. So, now that you’re grown and have a voice, that’s a bigger issue within itself for them. It bothers me to have even witnessed the things I have and still continue to watch them go on even for many as adults now.
I’ve met plenty of older people as I’m sure you have and the one thing they all seem to mention is “how fucked up my generation is”. They always mention how they couldn’t imagine doing half the things that those of my generation do. But do they ever wonder how the generation before us destroyed us? Let’s start with the simple fact that there are too many people who don’t even take mental health serious. These are the same people who have children and yell at them for not drawing a straight line on their homework. The same people who take their anger out on their child when they’re not the issue. The same people who force their older children to look after their younger children and get upset when they don’t want to because they want to enjoy being a child with no responsibility. The same people who yell at their child, in public, about who knows what with no thought of how embarrassing that truly is. If you’re someone who has suffered from any of this then you know it only gets worse.
I do feel like you should apologize to your child when they can’t find the purse you swore was in your room but is later found in the car. I do feel like you should apologize to your child when they say you hurt their feelings because you never know who else is. I do feel like you should apologize to your child when you’re proven wrong. I do feel like you should apologize to your child for taking your frustrations out on them because you weren’t bold enough to take it out on the adult who actually pissed you off. A lot of parents don’t even know the damage they’ve caused and it’s sad. And these are the same parents that wonder why their child doesn’t keep in contact once they move away. The same parents that wonder why their child wants no parts of them nor wants them around their children. These kids grow up depressed, unstable, and some ruin damn near every good thing that comes to them. I know you were looking at the title crazy, I know. But if you weren’t a child who was damn near picked on by your parents, a target even when they weren’t upset with you, put in the middle of their problems and/or forced to grow up sooner than you actually should’ve, HOW COULD YOU UNDERSTAND?
My children are three and one and my 3-year-old is very emotional. I first noticed she was becoming more aware of feelings in general the first time she wiped my tears and said, “Stop crying, I love you”. The second time was when she did something wrong and her father said something to her, and she just ran away crying. I honestly thought nothing of it at first and I didn’t want to baby her either. However, she is my child and I couldn’t continuously feed to myself that me consoling my child is babying her. I even apologize to her from time to time because I feel like I was wrong or did a bit much and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I want to make sure that they’re both comfortable talking to their parents about any and everything. I also want them to know that it’s okay for us, as their parents, to treat them like human beings that matter whether we take care of them or not.
I’ve heard too many parents throw in their kids face what they did for them as children and I don’t understand it. THOSE WERE THINGS YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DO AS A PARENT SO IT CAN’T BE USED AS LEVERAGE AGAINST YOUR CHILD. Just like I don’t understand bringing up things they chose to do for them once they became of age. YOU CHOSE TO DO THEM SO THAT’S ON YOU. So many parents create the adults that have to be “fixed” and raised all over again by their partners. These children grow up and become the ones who can’t communicate or are too afraid to. They become the ones whose pride won’t allow them to ask for help because they’re afraid that it’ll be thrown in their face later. They become the ones so afraid to come out of their shell and change anything because they never found comfort in anyone as a child. They become the ones who become parents and do double the damage to their children that their parents did to them. It’s sad but in a lot of cases it’s true.
An apology doesn’t change anything if your behavior doesn’t change. I really wish the parents of my generation could own the damage that they’ve caused upon many of us. And no, it’s not all of them. It’s enough of them though but they’re too stuck in their ways and can see no wrong in anything that they do or have done.