Things I Did Differently in 2019

It’s almost 2020 and I am feeling no guilt at all anymore for anything I’ve been through this year. I took my heart out of everything so that I could stay out my feelings. I’ve allowed everything to be what it’s gone be because I have no choice but to. I recognized things so I had to make a few changes. These weren’t things I was doing at all until a few months ago and they have helped me tremendously. 

First, I had to stop apologizing which helped me stop taking full responsibility for a two person – or more – situation. It’s always easier to be a victim than it is to take ownership of anything for many and I had to learn that in the most confusing ways ever this year. I had to stop the apologizing stage because I’ll apologize a mile a minute so you’ll know I’m sincere. Although I mean it, that shit had to stop because my apologies don’t change how anyone continues to feel deep down. I took my part now you gotta take yours whether you want to or not. I reached that, “You knew what you were doing just like you felt I knew what I was doing” point, and I’ve left every situation at just that. If no one wants to talk about it then we just don’t. I’d rather not waste my time anyway and there still be no resolution.  

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The second thing was not trying to understand some changes. I’d be so confused when I would see certain shit, but I had to remind myself that everyone has their reasons. That’s none of my business it’s just that when I listen to someone say they’ll never do something then I watch them do it I’m like …..

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Ah! My favorite change thus far is this third gem…. BLOCKING PEOPLE. I’m not even gone sit here and fake because a few years back this action had me hesitant. Why? Because I felt like it was the solidification that we have a problem and although that isn’t always my case I’m not going to explain myself to anyone that I block. There are a few who I wish I never met and never want to see again. Then, there are those who have left me saying to myself, “I’m not going to wait until you’re ready to fix this” so I blocked them too. I stated in a recent post that if we don’t talk – outside of social media interaction – I don’t need to see your life and you don’t need to see mine. Therefore, blocking people has been my end all. Simple. 

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And last but not least, the fourth change is staying to myself. I got too close, too fast with too damn many and that is something I’ll never do again. I’ve learned so many valuable lessons, had some good times even though they didn’t last, saw that things change with everyone when certain people fallout, and recognized that I don’t have to feel guilty for anything that someone wants me to feel guilty for. I feel like everyone who has been removed from my life wasn’t meant to be in it. Whether they left because we had a legit issue, they heard something, or decided to follow the lead of others. This distance has been THE best because I haven’t been left wondering anything. I don’t hear shit because I don’t talk to anybody. Can’t nobody tell me shit because I don’t talk to anybody. I can’t be in shit because I don’t talk to anybody. I don’t care who says what because I don’t talk to anyone anymore and I’m not going to make it my job to correct what anyone has heard. It’s literally been me, myself, and I and the freedom and happiness in separating myself has been amazing.

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