Communication is essential to the growth of any relationship. So, when there’s no communication what do you do? REMOVE AND MOVE ON. I used to confront situations until I accepted that if the person isn’t communicating anything then it’s clearly not important. And if it’s not important to them why should I worry about it? I usually go through a series of emotions when things change and I don’t know why, but I’ve been good lately. Maybe a little too good.
People grow apart and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I’ve been growing apart from people I wasn’t expecting to – at least not this soon. Some from their doing and the rest is my doing. Everyone’s level of growth isn’t on your level and that doesn’t make them a bad person or less worthy of a relationship with you. Their growth happens on their time. But I feel like there’s a way to go about things especially when it’s a sudden change. For example, I had to check myself when I decided – in my mind – that I wanted to blame someone for the issue in our relationship. But before I could even get it out something stopped me and told me to think. Seriously though, just hear me out. I was about to go bat shit crazy because I felt like all this person did was use me, but how could they use me if I didn’t allow them to? Did you get my point? If you didn’t here’s the best way I can explain it… PEOPLE ONLY DO TO YOU WHAT YOU ALLOW THEM TO. And that’s not saying my feelings aren’t still valid or yours in whatever you’re going through. That is me saying you can’t expect anyone to understand or even think that what became “regular” – in the friendship – makes you uncomfortable now when you don’t say anything. I feel like people choose to forget who they used to be and what they used to do so they look at you different once they’ve changed. Of course, no one would guess that you would one day dislike what the relationship was built on.
Too often we don’t speak on what we feel because we don’t feel like the person is worth it. I understand not being confrontational and wanting to stay away from drama, but that right there is also an issue in itself. When you approach a situation – face to face or in your head – and you only see the problematic outcome, you’re already making things harder than what they probably are. I’ve always been one who’s open to talk because I want to know what changed things between us. There have been good, bad and unexpected outcomes, but I felt good either way because I got what I needed to off my chest. I don’t want my kindness to be confused with weakness and I don’t want my will to talk about things to be confused with wanting anyone back in my life. This is exactly why I stopped feeling like I needed closure. The parts about life that we’re “not supposed to understand” have been the exact parts that I’ve tried to understand. I’ve had a lot of people tell me that I’m “in tune” with myself, my feelings, and I used to think that was the one thing that kept me in my feelings. I listen to and trust my gut so when I feel like something is off, it usually is. I’ve been that way for years and most people don’t try to solve why they feel that way, but I have, and I don’t want to anymore. In other words, this is why I’m no longer asking questions and doing what I feel is best for me. I’m going to act accordingly.
I’ve gotten so comfortable letting go these last few days that I’m starting to feel free. I’ve reminded myself that no one owes me anything regardless of where I thought we stood. That reminder alone has allowed me to stop seeing people for who I thought they were and instead who they show me they are. I’ve heard and seen enough at this point and I don’t need to hear or see anything else – with these situations. I notice that it’s been okay for people to cut me off, and say nothing, but when I pull a them on them it’s an issue. Whelp! It’s just gone be an issue from now on. The mind games of “if the shoe fits, wear it”, “if you think it’s about you, then it is”, and the made-up answers when no one is answering, I’m over all that shit.
I’m so proud of myself because I can honestly say this year, alone, once I remove someone from my life that’s legit where it ends. Whether I unfollow you, block your number, or tell you how I feel and leave you alone, there’s no going back. The whole point of moving on from someone is to continue your life without them included. When you’re not worried about them or checking up on them it’s helps your process. You’re not sitting around wondering if they’re talking about you to others and getting bent out of shape with every post they upload. How can you feel any kind of way about what you can’t see? And that’s my point exactly. Stop holding onto people because they hold onto you. You’re not doing yourself a favor by keeping them around. You’ve been fighting with yourself for too long to let go and you owe it to yourself to finally be done. Communication is essential to the growth of any relationship and once it stops, so does the relationship.