Nowadays people stress marriage too much in my opinion. People don’t want to have babies, don’t want to live together, some don’t even want to travel together unless they’re married. And I understand that for some this thought process – or belief – is based off their religious beliefs. However, I feel like people with this mindset fail to realize that just because you get married doesn’t mean it’ll last. THAT’S NOT ME BEING NEGATIVE, THAT’S ME BEING REAL. So, in the end there’s really no “right way”.
It seems as though there’s this secret law that you have to or should marry the person you’ve spent years with, or the one that’s put you through the most. What happened to it being okay to walk away when you’re tired? Is that a crime now? Listen to me, sounding all hypocritical. I know they say, “every relationship has its ups and downs”, but when did cheating, not standing up for your significant other, and stressing because you’re trying to figure out if the person is going to change become part of those ups and downs? I’ve heard of and seen people’s hard times through different marriages and to each its own. But you need to understand that, that commitment won’t necessarily change the person.
As a married woman I am asking you to ask yourself would you be okay dealing with what you do as a girlfriend, as a wife? I understand that you’re in love and you (think you) can’t spend the rest of your life without this person, but you can. NO, I’M NOT ENCOURAGING YOU TO LEAVE YOUR PARTNER. I am saying think about everything before you continue overthinking your wedding day and when it’ll come. You’re not less than anyone because you guys have kids together and aren’t married – YES, THIS WAS ME. You’re not less than anyone because you’ve dealt with their mess for years and choose to stay – YES, THIS WAS ME. You’re not less than anyone because their family doesn’t like you – YES, THIS WAS ME. And you’re damn sure not less than anyone because you don’t have a ring – YES, THIS WAS ME. Sometimes the ring isn’t the trophy, waiting or walking away is.
Learn to love yourself without needing the permission or opinions from your significant other first. Many of us look for the approval from our partners that we’re beautiful, that we’re enough and when we don’t get it, we fall short in the love we give ourselves. Also, write out or think about the good and bad. In this process, be honest with yourself because many of us get married just to say we got the person and end up being miserable. We all have our own definitions of what marriage is, but your marriage will only be what you make it and allow it to be. Some people change and some people don’t so I want to share this advice with you that I’ve heard and tell others just in case you’re overthinking or second guessing, “You knew who he/she was before you married them”.
All I’m saying is don’t sell yourself short because in the end the years you two spent together won’t matter when you see nothing has changed years later. In the end nothing matters except you being happy in whatever decision you make. Seriously, mental health is important, and your partner can be very draining which you don’t need. You saying “Yes” or “No” to marriage is up to no one but YOU. Again, learn to love yourself first, stop accepting their usual then let the rest fall into place. You’ll be surprised at how different you’ll feel before it’s “too late”.