Many of us can be “the fixer” for others but not ourselves on any occasion. We find ourselves solving others issues, giving advice then later wondering, “Damn! Why can’t I help myself the way I help everybody else?”. It’s never that simple though, ever, but what about when fixing others issues creates conflict for you? THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID IT, because it is possible. You think you’re being a friend, helping as you usually do then BOOM! You’re in the middle of some bullshit that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
Speaking from experience being in the middle IS NOT THE SMARTEST IDEA. I don’t give a damn how close of friends y’all are. Everyone doesn’t want a friend that has their best interest at heart – even though that’s what friends are for – so don’t get caught up trying to be that friend. For example, a friend of mine saw someone I was dating somewhere he SHOULD NOT have been doing things he SHOULD NOT have been doing for someone in a relationship. She told me which led to me saying something to him which led to him saying something to her which led to us – she and I – not speaking for a while because of he say, she say. There were other participants, but it got too far when others got involved and instead of me taking the truth for what it was, I cut her off. Which is a prime example of not wanting a friend who has your best interest at heart. See, when a person is blinded you can’t help them. They’re going to see what they want and what they want only.
Side note: She and I did contact each other months later and talked things out.
You’re going to find yourself in more confusion than necessary trying to lookout for others because you care more about their situation than they do. I get it, it’s hard to not care especially knowing, for sure, that they’re going through something. But you can’t give in more than you get out – in any situation. People get funny when you stop helping them though. When they come to their senses, as I did, they’re going to wish you were still there to lookout for them. Knowing how I was and having been on the other side as well, it can get tricky. I found myself letting someone know their “friend” was talking about them and they both tried to make me the issue. In the end the truth was revealed, thanks to others speaking up, but I had to leave it alone. I didn’t care about her apology later on because I truly thought we were better than that. Better than her thinking I’d ever lie about someone talking about her because I didn’t have to tell her anything. I thought I was doing the right thing – just like my friend thought she was – but I learned then that everyone isn’t like that.
I wasn’t one who wanted to know things – the truth to be exact – but I’d rather know NOW instead of others knowing and me looking stupid. Relationship, friendship, family, coworker, etc. I don’t care who or what…TELL ME. However, the way to go about being the middle man is to not be in the middle. THAT’S RIGHT! STAY OUT OF IT AND MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. Look, I get it, you want to help, but STOP. Be honest with yourself right now. Do you find yourself being more concerned about others issues than they are? Have you found yourself in situations where you felt someone should have told you something that you would’ve told them? Have you found yourself in drama due to you simply trying to help? Whelp! Welcome to the club because those are all clear signs that you need to stop helping.
If you feel it’s absolutely necessary, say something. But if you can help it, DON’T. This is going to sound so messed up but sometimes it’s best to exclude yourself altogether which I found myself doing a lot. What I mean is when you hear something stay away from that person and watch the person it was about too. People are always quick to label you “fake” because you didn’t say anything when they wouldn’t do the same for you. And that is why exclusion from all parties is absolutely necessary in most cases. Having a good heart is a blessing and a curse but you have to learn how to differentiate which it is in every situation.Till this day I still hear people talk about those I see them on socials or somewhere with, but who am I to judge? AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I MIND MY BUSINESS. When you stay out of it no one can say you said anything which keeps you out the middle.