For a while now I’ve been sitting on these thoughts of what they – our parents or guardians – didn’t teach us. We’re taught manners, we’re taught the way of life or how to just get by (most of us), we’re taught right from wrong, but love *deep sigh* love is what they leave out. Why is love left from our teachings? And I’m not talking the opinions like, “that’s a good man, I like him” or “she has your best interest at heart” that make us feel like we made the right choice in love. I’m talking about teaching us that IT IS OKAY TO WALK AWAY FROM A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS TOXIC – no matter what. The teachings that allow you to know you’re okay without a husband/wife. Hell some of us don’t even want to be a husband or wife. Some of us don’t want a family, some of us don’t want a relationship of any kind. But what about when all that changes? What about when you fall in love? What about the teachings of right and wrong when in love?
There’s a huge difference in right from wrong in life vs right from wrong in love.
Where do you draw the line when you’re in love? I’m talking so in love that you can’t see yourself without this person? So in love you’ll stop your life plans for them? So in love you can see no wrong in what they do when everything they do is wrong? These are the questions I want answers to. I won’t say we because I can only speak for me. When/How do you walk away because nobody taught you to? I’ve listened to more people tell me how they’ve been cheated on, abused, and then some but stayed and can give me every reason in the book as to why staying is “the right” thing to do, but can’t say a word when I ask “why isn’t leaving?”. You can hear that little fly on the wall buzzing around because it gets that quiet. You can tell me why it’s right to stay but not why it’s wrong to leave? And with that I’ve come the conclusion that they – who raised us – weren’t taught either.
Anybody can say, “I wouldn’t even let it get that far”, but that’s until it gets that far. People will watch your struggle of being in love with a toxic person. They’ll do everything in their power – talk about you, judge you – to not help you. I know, from experience, how bad it can get in a toxic relationship. I looked for help, I looked for ways to get and stay away, but all I got was “leave him” and judged when I stayed. Yet, the one thing I noticed was all those judging me weren’t helping me stay away from him. Do you know how easy it is to keep dealing with someone who treats you bad that you’re in love with in place of leaving them when you know you SHOULD? Well, if you don’t, I’m here to tell you that it is not a simple task. You ever see the videos of women documenting their abuse and when they finally walk away, they’ve already got kids and are telling you that it’s not right to stay? – Although the toxic I’m currently telling you about isn’t physical abuse – THEY are prime examples of how easy it’s not to walk away from toxic love.
Those who judged me never protected me from him. They didn’t take me out so I wasn’t sitting at home sulking, which led to me calling him. They didn’t check up on me or do anything outside of judge me. I felt so bad for so long because they judged me until I realized they don’t get it. They weren’t in love with someone who treated them like shit so they didn’t know the effect that toxic love could have on them. Now I wasn’t raised in a toxic household at all. I’ve never even seen my parents argue however I have seen more toxic relationships than not – outside of them. Just because I wasn’t raised around that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have picked up that acceptance from someone else I was around. However, the majority do come from toxic parents which force them to either be the acceptor or the toxic one.
You can’t teach what you didn’t come from, PERIOD. And that is why some of us weren’t taught right from wrong in love. When you’re raised in toxicity it becomes natural to accept or become it. Your parents can judge their parents and their parents can judge their parents but if no one breaks the cycle how will it end? Everyone says, “I’m going to teach my child different” and usually end up doing the same thing(s). I know it isn’t easy however you have to do more than get frustrated and say, “I’m tired of talking”. After all that is YOUR child and if you really don’t want to see them endure what you have, you have to do for them what you wish others had done for you.
I UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE OF BEING IN TOXIC LOVE, I DO. But I also know and understand that YOU WILL BE FINE WITHOUT THEM. You are worthy of someone who wants to love you the way you deserve to be loved – because everyone doesn’t know real love. Don’t trap yourself because I don’t want you to get older wishing you had walked away. YOU ARE WORTHY OF SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT YOU’RE CHOOSING TO ACCEPT. And if you do decide to leave, don’t fall for the, “I’m going to do better this time, I swear”. I don’t care who it is, what they do, male or female, they probably won’t change. Stop thinking you have to go through hell and back again for someone to simply treat you right.
P.S. – This post is about toxic relationships of any kind because most people think physical abuse is the only kind of toxic love. I’ve personally dealt with mental, verbal and emotional abuse which is what I was sharing about. However, NONE OF IT IS ACCEPTABLE. Know your worth love and know that you’re better off without that toxic relationship.