A lot of people that “know” me don’t really know me nor what a friend is. That is why they’re quick to call me and anyone else fake when things don’t go how they expected them to. I’m going to put this out there for anyone reading this who does or doesn’t know me because I feel THIS is where miscommunication lies – between others and I. If I don’t know you at least two years or more, YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND. But that’s also not me saying at the two-year mark you’re automatically my friend, no. I’m not sure about anyone else but I can’t get to know someone in a years’ time. I want to see and know every side of you before I commit myself to a friendship with you. I need two years or better and if we don’t make it that far then that’s a clear sign to me.
I remember I got into it with someone and it took weeks for us to have a conversation after the initial altercation. When we finally did I remember part of the conversation was them saying, “I thought to myself what kind of friend are you really?” – for my part in the altercation. The crazy part about that was we were never friends in my eyes, but in theirs we were. They were cool in the beginning, and I’ll never take that from them, but once I saw the real person I chose to distance myself and that’s when things went left. The issue was that they held me at the level they would any friend because we were cool. Sure, we shared a few laughs and giggles, exchanged numbers, and even hung out ONCE, – I had to make that clear – but that didn’t make us friends in my eyes. A friend isn’t determined by the number of laughs and outings you guys have. And I feel that’s one of the biggest disconnects with people today when it comes to making friends.
I’ve learned that no matter how comfortable a person makes you, that does not mean you can trust them. This was a hard lesson I learned which is why I stopped explaining myself to people as to why I was no longer feeling them. I notice that people have a specific type of friend or friends for a reason. And when you don’t fit into their definition of what a friend is then you’re fake, wasn’t ever their friend, and was “hating from jump”. But does anyone ever stop to think that because you’re not jumping into the drama they’ve created that it doesn’t make you less of a friend? Does anyone ever stop to think that because you don’t agree with their childish reactions like their other friends, that it doesn’t make you less of a friend? Anyone ever stop to think that they’re not mature enough to deal with a friend that’s going to always tell them the truth instead of backing their childish ways?
What I can’t understand about “friends” is if that’s what we are, why is it that when there’s an issue it has to be taken to every other person before it reaches me? And then I’m not allowed to not want to talk with you about it after you’ve already discussed it with the rest of the world. You’ve made up in your mind how I feel about you or why I did whatever without even talking to me first. Now, I’m childish and immature but you weren’t for discussing YOUR ISSUE WITH ME WITH OTHERS? I also don’t understand those who say, “if I got it, you got it”, but they never have it yet expect you to. Or when they do have it they’re bragging to the world about how they gave it to you. What’s so real about that?
I’m not going to say that I don’t want friends, but I’m okay with the very few I have right now. I’ve noticed all these “I’m not a consistent friend…. I have my own shit going on so get over it”, “If you don’t understand or can’t respect that then I don’t know what to tell you” post. What bothers me about those post is those I know that post them. They aren’t consistent with me at all and never have been but will throw “get over it” out there like they have room to. And the second I’m not available for them or simply choose not to be then I’m wrong. Them never being a friend, at all, means nothing though. If you’ve never heard anyone tell you to “PICK YOUR FRIENDS WISELY”, I just did. It’s easy for you to be not just a friend, but an available friend to others. But how easy is it for them to be one to you?
I know it’s hard to be do others how they do you, but you have to lookout for yourself at some point. I understand being the bigger person however don’t drain yourself trying to prove that you’re capable of being better to others even when they’re messed up to you.