Have you ever felt like there was another woman? I’m talking the feeling that no matter how hard you try to deny it, your intuition won’t allow you to feel otherwise? To the point that you’re sitting and thinking to yourself, “What am I going to do if it’s true?” The thought of it alone has gotten so bad that you’re looking for any piece of evidence before you say anything. We all know assuming doesn’t always end well even when we’re right because the right kind of liar will have you thinking you’re crazy. You’re wrecking your brain day in and day out, trying to figure out if it’s true or not and then BOOM! YOU FIND OUT IT’S TRUE.
Like many, I was initially sad, blamed myself, and wanted to do what I felt necessary to find some type of understanding. But before I could even put two and two together someone came at me with the mess. The issue I was having wasn’t that she came at me, but the fact of how she did it through social media for all to see. Now, let me start by saying this because people think it’s cute, BUT IT IS NOT. Why, as a grown woman, do some think it’s cute to put another woman on blast about her cheating man when she did not know? Why, as a grown woman, do you think it’s okay to blame the woman because the man went back to her – even though that isn’t her fault?
Why do you even want someone else’s man? I’m not sure what it is or what thrill people get from being the other person – or a side bitch as my generation would call it – but it’s not a good look. Yes, he’s wrong for even stepping out of his relationship, but you’re just as wrong especially when you know he isn’t single. YOU CAN’T BE COCKY WITH ANOTHER WOMAN’S MAN and any real friend will tell you that you’re wrong. And that’s the problem with so many these days because their friends egg them on to do what’s wrong, they think it’s cute. It doesn’t matter how many times he feeds that he’ll leave his girl to you because HE WILL NOT. I’ve been there, I’ve seen it, and I still see it till this day – but I won’t give anyone advice on what to do or how to feel because they’re going to do what they want at the end of the day.
I feel like some grow up like that, always wanting what isn’t theirs and nobody ever told them “aht aht”. They’re the type to never have experienced real love or the love they want so they choose to look for it in someone else’s significant other. It doesn’t matter what measures they have to go through nor who disagrees with them – and they stay away from those who tell them they’re wrong – because all they see is that she’s happy, so they want what she has. The mistake so many make is basing happiness on what they see. He may act funny towards her on the phone around you, may talk about her in your presence, but AGAIN it doesn’t matter how many times he feeds that he’ll leave his girl to you to make you feel good because he’s never going to leave her. You’re a fill in for what she’s not giving him because he doesn’t deserve it. And if you didn’t move so fast thinking “he’s a good one”, you’d know why you’re stupid for playing into him. You’re doing him a favor until his woman decides he is deserving again.
I’ve seen families ruined because the other woman couldn’t handle that she would never be more than the other woman. But I’ve also seen families – and plenty of them– get through it. Everything that looks good for you isn’t good for you and I know at some point in your adult life you were taught right from wrong. I know that some don’t care, but what bothers me even more about people like this is when they’re religious. I’m talking about both sides, the cheater and the dummy thinking she’ll be more than the other woman. How can you call yourself a *insert religion here*, but be happy cheating or knowing you’re wrong for being the one they’re cheating with? I know it’s said that no sin is greater than the next but that doesn’t make your sin okay. And then you have the nerve to judge others for the same thing you’re doing or was doing.
I’ve been the other woman, twice, and when I found out I left them alone. The first time I was in college and the guy was really cool. He’d walk me to class, leave me his room key to wait for him when I got out of class, I was there for him when he broke his leg, etc. But one day he calls me and all I heard was silence then a girls voice. She was super-duper hype to the point that she was yelling, “Did you know he had a baby?”, “Well I’m his girlfriend and I’ll come up there and beat your ass”, and ALL I COULD DO WAS LAUGH. In the midst of it I was so confused, but so was she and that’s why I didn’t allow her to get the best of me. You’re mad because YOUR BOYFRIEND is cheating on you and told you I knew, but he’s sitting in my face asking me why would he tell me he had a girlfriend and a child when he doesn’t want to lose me. I honestly would’ve answered any question she had for me because I’d want the same if ever in her position – which I’ve been in – but she didn’t come correct. The other was simple because during the day he’d chill with me, but at night his girl was coming over, and he lived with his mother. I found out because one of his friends told me, but she never came at me because apparently I wasn’t the first and she felt I wouldn’t be the last – but that’s none of my business because she has to do what she feels is best for her.
It’s one thing when the other woman honestly doesn’t know that she’s the other woman, but it makes things a lot worse when she does. I’m not going to tell you to go after her even though she knew, but I WILL SAY THIS…..
I’ve been the one questioning another woman about what was said to her that lead her on. But I acted like a civilized, adult woman because it wasn’t about him or wanting to fight her or even being upset honestly. It was to understand what in her twisted mind allowed her to feel good about the fact that she was talking to someone else’s man. The part that really got me was THAT SHE KNEW ABOUT ME BUT LIED AND SAID SHE DIDN’T. But people play dumb every single day and the last thing I’m going to do is continue a conversation with someone that is contradicting themselves every other answer.
I’ve heard that some guys don’t mature until 24, 28, and some 30. I also know guys in their late 20’s and 30’s who are as a mature as a 3-year-old. But if I’ve learned anything about a man it’s that HE KNOWS WHERE HOME IS. Regardless of what he does with you, you won’t be his home. The woman he has is who she is to him for a reason and even though he steps out, he’s not going to let you take her place. He may get with someone else, but it won’t be you so you’re still going to be mad. Being mad at his girl because you’re the other woman does nothing for you because she’s not the one feeding you that you’ll have a future with HER man. Calling her ugly, talking about her when you know nothing about her, – besides the fact that she knows you’re the side bitch – and shading her WON’T CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU’RE STILL NOT THE ONE. Like I said earlier, at some point in your adult life you were taught right from wrong so when are you going to act like it?