In life we meet people that are temporary, some are around longer than we expected them to be, and others stay a lifetime. But what I’m learning day by day is that you cannot deal with everyone the same. Everyone in your life is in it for two reasons because you want them to be and whatever reason you’ve given yourself to hold onto them. Whether it be something you two went through together, something that they said to you or something that they did for you. Everyone holds a different value in someone’s life and I feel that’s obvious by how long they’ve been around. You don’t have to deal with anyone you don’t want to so those in your life are there because you allow them to be.
In my opinion, after a good two to three years, you should know exactly who you’re dealing with. That’s enough time to see all the changes a person will and can go through. You should see every side of them from who they are around others, how they are when you’re in their space, what triggers them to act certain ways, etc.
There’s no perfect relationship – friendship, family, or relationship (boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife) – and everyone will go through their hard times, but it’s how they’re dealt with that matters. These last few months I’ve seen people react in ways I never thought that they would. Was I hurt? Initially, HELL YEAH, but once I realized what I was up against I had to let it go. I can’t go back and forth with a person when I can clearly see that they either don’t care or only see things from their point of view. I literally wear my heart on my sleeve and that’s my biggest issue. I’m really sensitive when it comes to certain people so when I have an issue and I bring it to them and they brush it off, that’s a sign I need to give them space – or simply keep my distance. I’m not going to press anybody to talk to me, but what I can’t do is have people thinking I’m not open for discussion.
I may wear my heart on my sleeve, but if I truly care about you and you have an issue with me, IT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED – unless the other person really doesn’t value our relationship the way I do. I absolutely hate drama, but it happens with miscommunication, assumptions, and people acting like there’s no issue when it is. Dragging it out only makes it worse which I’ve learned first-hand. I know that everyone isn’t like me however I don’t see the issue in voicing your concerns with someone you care about. I’d rather hear the ugly truth than pretty lies which is all I’m saying. I can’t keep feeling a way or knowing someone feels a way and the way we deal with it is to stop talking to each other for a while, then come back together, and act as if nothing ever happened.
When I start to annoy someone, or they feel I’m acting funny in any way, I want them to tell me that. I don’t know that I’m getting on their nerves or they’re becoming overwhelmed with me, if they don’t voice that. It’s not my fault that people choose to make themselves available. I understand everyone has their limit, but when you never speak up when that limit is reached, you can’t blame others. I’m setting boundaries for myself with others from this day forward. There is no bad blood between me and anyone – unless they have an issue they haven’t spoke on – but I’m gone need some space. AND I’M GOING TO TAKE ALL THE TIME THAT I NEED. It’s time that I learn to be my own friend because ain’t nobody gone have my back the way I’m gone have it. I’m not going back and forth with anyone about how they think I feel about them when everyone’s way of handling differences is not handling them at all.
I don’t ever want to add to anyone’s stress, so I’ll do what I see fit before I make a situation worse than what it already is. I’ve noticed a difference in how some people are towards me now that I rarely reach out. I changed the dynamic of our relationship – me reaching out more, them saying we’ll do stuff and it never happen, being available when their other friends weren’t, etc. – because not only was it unhealthy, but it was draining and unfair too. And I did voice my concerns in the calmest, most respectful way I could, but the responses are what made me draw a line. When I sense that you do not care or you’re taking a serious matter and turning it into a joke with your other friends, I start to see you in a different light. I’ve sat in the shade long enough at this point, it’s time I let the sunlight kiss my melanin.
I’ve learned how to control my emotions to the point that I can decide what’s worth speaking on and what is not. In other words, how to pick and choose my battles wisely. I’m a firm believer that it’ll only work if both of you want it to work – and that’s with anyone not just your significant other. I’ve done a lot of self-checking, I still am, and I’m not going to stop. It’s the best thing for me to do so I’m not sitting around thinking I’m the cause of someone’s issues. It’s always easier for a person to blame someone else for what they open the door to.
I can’t keep walking on eggshells with people who do things whatever way they see fit – without the thought of how it’ll impact others. I understand that everyone doesn’t know how to express themselves, but that doesn’t mean find the most messed up way possible to get what you’re feeling out.