Many aren’t in tune with their feelings which is why everything is that much more complicated with them. People like this have so many emotions about one person that they’re actually fake. They don’t want to admit their real feelings which is that they can’t stand the person. They have their reasons from the person having something they may want, wanting to let the person in but have already admitted their disliking for them to the rest of the world, they may not want the person to dislike them, etc. The issue with those who aren’t in tune with their feelings is when they think people don’t already know their true feelings.
I wasn’t in tune with my feelings until recently and my reasons were to avoid drama and not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. However, I still dealt with drama because people and their big ass mouths got to the people before I could. It was my fault for venting to others in the first place instead of speaking directly to the people though. It was easy for me to dislike a person, still is, but I’ve learned the difference between who someone is versus who they’re trying – *cough cough* faking – to be. I’ve had my times of being fake and I’ll admit that 100%, wholeheartedly, but I stopped being that way because of the effect it had on me. I was taking energy out of my day to say something as simple as “Hi”, when I didn’t want nor have to. It went on too long and again I’ll admit I was wrong, but those days are long gone for me. What I dislike about phases like that is when someone makes you out to be that person to everyone when you were and are only that way with them. Everyone’s experience with a person is different, whether good or bad, so you can’t base your opinion of someone from what you’ve heard. I especially dislike when I can recognize the old me in others, yet they still won’t admit it.
Lately, I’ve been giving people the stiff arm because I’m not stupid and I know that they don’t like me. Believe me I know what it’s like to not want to tell someone that you dislike them – I did say it earlier – but when you use me when others aren’t around, THAT IS MY ISSUE. If you’re going to be fake with me then be 100% fake because it’s not fair to me to allow you to have me in your corner, then you turn around and talk about me to your friends as if you weren’t just in my face as if we’re cool. I do know that some people, family to be exact, are fake with me because they want to be part of my children’s lives, but I see straight through that. I could respect people a whole lot more if they simply said, “I don’t like you, but I do want a relationship with your kids.” I’m sure you’re questioning why I’d even consider allowing some type of communication for someone who dislikes me and it’s because there’s a such thing as common ground. And I’m not going out my way for these people either, accept what communication you get or have none at all. Meaning you can dislike me all you want, but in order for you to get what you want from me you have to respect me – and there’s no option not to in that situation.
This may sound crazy to so many, but I believe it’s okay to go through a fake phase just, so you can recognize what it is if you already don’t know. I mean we do learn from our mistakes, right? But when you’ve been fake for years and have identified it, then you have a problem and it’s not only with that one person. People pride themselves on being so real, but don’t realize there’s not an ounce of real in them. How long can you sit in the face of someone knowing the sight of them triggers your emotions of dislike and anger? All that showing fake love and making faces as you embrace someone (to make others laugh), saying “I can be whoever I need to be around certain people” or “When you get real with me, I’ll get real with you”, THAT’S ALL FAKE. You can’t justify being fake once you’ve identified that you are fake. And that reason alone is why for the sake of my mental health and sanity, there are certain people who can’t be in my space anymore and that includes family.
What I felt through my phase was guilt, anger, confusion and frustration. I felt like I was an imposter in my own body trying to hit the like button on people I could not stand. I don’t care what anyone says because I know that I am a really good person who’s past does not define her. Till this day I still know and see people who look at me as that person and that is absolutely fine. Why? BECAUSE I CANNOT TELL ANYONE HOW TO FEEL ABOUT ME AND I WILL NOT. Plus, I still don’t like them, so I could care less how they feel about me either way. I just don’t want people going around making me out to be who I was/am with them because me disliking them has nothing to do with anyone else. That phase is also why I keep little to none around me and it’s been a lot easier ever since.
I was too busy trying to be everyone’s friend and when I realized I could not vibe with certain people no matter how hard I tried, I had to put an end to it. Some have to stop forcing themselves to sit around and cackle with those who secretly make their blood boil. Others have to simply stop acting as if they don’t know that they’re fake. Both need to figure out what it is about the persons that gives them these mixed emotions and figure out if it’s worth fixing or not. If not move on because continuing to be fake will only cause more drama and waste time on both ends. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but they may actually want to like you. But it’s something about them that won’t allow you in. Whether it be something they heard, something you did, or something they think you did. People seem to forget that actions speak louder than words and sometimes actions are all you need to figure things out. It’s not up to you to play mind reader to try and figure out how they truly feel about you. But stop acting like you’re innocent in your fake feelings towards someone because I know you sit around judging others for doing the same thing you do.
There are people who cannot move on from things that have happened and there are those who can. The issue comes in when you claim to be over something, but still hold hostile feelings towards the person. You might want to move on from the incident but you can’t so it is fake of you to sit around them acting like you’re cool. There is no excuse for it so move on and try to relearn the person or move on and stop talking about them.
Pick your strings up, they’re hanging….