You ever hear people say, “Don’t settle for less”, but then they turn around & tell you to make sure you’re comfortable with who you’re with which may require you to settle – because your partner may lack certain things you want and need? To some that makes sense while others it doesn’t, but let me tell you why I say don’t get too comfortable. YOU GET BORED AND EVERYTHING STOPS, need me to say it again? YOU GET BORED AND EVERYTHING STOPS. All the work you two put into getting to know one another, the conversations and dates, possibly the interest, the random gifts to show love & appreciation, the love letters or text, etc. All that ceases once you become comfortable because nobody feels the need to fight for who they think they’ll never lose. And 9 times out of 10 you let it get to this point.
It’s always easy to point the finger at the next person and blame them for why things are messed up, but what about you? Did you ever initiate date nights, openminded conversations about life and the possible future you guys will have together, keep your partner on their toes? Or did you accept the first few months of dates, gifts, and affection and once it died off you decided it wasn’t your fault so you didn’t have to fix it? That’s the problem right there when no one ever wants to be the problem when the real issue is BOTH OF YOU.
Let me explain this too…
You have one who’s become so comfortable that they’re even beginning to take you for granted – if they haven’t already. Every day consist of the same cycle of absolutely nothing but what they want to do, and what do you do? Go right along with it, you complain about it, but you still go with it. Then, you have the other who’s literally fiending for the love & affection they received the first few months of the relationship, but because they love you so much they won’t leave you. They’re too busy seeing you for who you have the potential to be. Even though they know they deserve better they’re going to sit around hoping one day you change until it’s too late and they’re completely drained of you and you’re stuck trying to fix it. The reality is your relationship should never come to a point of rebuilding from negativity and neglect when you truly value who you have.
It’s easy to say, “We’ll get through it no matter what”, until it’s actually time to get through it and your comfortable ass thinking it’ll simply work itself out because the two of you have been together for so long. NO, NOTHING WILL SIMPLY WORK WITHOUT TIME, EFFORT & DEDICATION. Not to mention real love for each other. Time means nothing, and a lot of people are offended by that fact alone, but it’s the truth. You can be with someone for five years and feel absolutely nothing after the first few months just sitting around hoping the feeling comes back because you’ve put “too much time in”. While on the other hand you can meet someone and within five months feel everything you’ve been fiending for including the reassurance that they’ll always make you feel that way.
In no way, shape, or form am I encouraging you to give up on your relationship with that last sentence. However, I am telling you that you’re both the blame because this is something that I had to come to terms with. Even though I was always asking to go out and try new things, I still accepted that he didn’t do it and that was my fault, not his. So, it got to a point where he got (too) comfortable doing absolutely nothing because he felt I’d never leave him, that was until I actually got tired. When you give off the, “I’m willing to accept anything” attitude best believe, male or female, that your significant other feels that and will act on it – especially if they have no real intentions on keeping you happy.
People think happiness comes from material things and for some it actually does. While others need real love, attention, affection, an open mind, and then some. You’re not going to get far thinking things will always be fine when no one is working towards remaining happy till y’all are literally old and grey. You’re going to spend more time hoping things work out versus actually making sure that they do. But stop holding on when you truly feel there’s nothing left for you to do. Whether you’re the cause of it or not. Have the conversation with an open mind and heart because you don’t know if that conversation will be what changes everything. Just because you split doesn’t mean you can’t get back together, just not right now. Because what’s the perfect person if it’s not the perfect time?