Before having children, I wasn’t out living my best life like the average 20 something year old – I wasn’t going to every party, wasn’t going on vacations with my group of friends, wasn’t weighing my relationship options, etc. I haven’t had many experiences in my life honestly because I’ve been pregnant as long as I’ve been legally able to drink. I had my first child at 21 and my second at 22. There were so many people excited about meeting them and doing things for them, with them, but what really happened is they all disappeared. I honestly can’t tell you one time I’ve gone out and enjoyed myself since having children, and I probably won’t be able to tell you one anytime soon. But don’t get me wrong I’m not a mother who blames her children for her personal issues, I know they didn’t ask to be here. I love my kids with all my heart.
People have come to my house to see my kids and they’d always say, “If you need anything let me know”. By the time I found the courage to speak up and say I need help or want to go out everyone became so busy. And what I notice from many is they’ll act as if they don’t see my text or calls, and some even leave me on read, but I’ve learned to get over that. I’ll tell everyone in a heartbeat that they don’t owe me anything, however when you put yourself out there to be available then when I ask you to hangout and you make up every excuse in the book or ignore me instead of simply saying, “I don’t want to be around your kids”, that is what bothers me. I can’t get mad at anyone for not wanting to be around an infant and toddler who are bound to cry majority of the time, but I can be mad that no one is upfront about that.
I look at it this way, I’m not asking anyone to babysit for me nor am I asking for help with my children, so what’s the issue? There’s no one who’s going to babysit for me so that I can go live my best life and I wouldn’t expect anyone to. What is so wrong with my children joining me for a day at the mall? What is so wrong with my children eating out with me at a restaurant? What is so wrong with knowing that I have children and it’s very rare that I will not have them by my sides? But once someone needs a tag along or has their own children then I’m their best friend and I’m putting an end to that.
Once you have children, more so mothers, the world makes it appear as if it’s a crime to have time for anything except your children. And when you have time without them then you’re wrong because you “should be home taking care of your kids”. Now, every now and then I can understand, but when you’re out every single night that is completely different.
I’m already miserable because I literally do nothing, but to know that I pretty much have no friends because I have children is pretty hurtful. The same people who were so pressed to claim my kids and say how they’d be here for us are the same ones never anywhere to be found. Having kids doesn’t mean I can’t have a life, but apparently that’s what my life has come to. So, I’ve decided to treat others how they treat me at this point. Don’t ask to see my children when you can’t even call and check on them or you make it an issue for them to be part of the plans. But because you decide you want to be bothered with them, now it’s okay for them to be around you? I THINK NOT and that’s my final answer. People have acted like they can’t do anything with me because I have kids and I am now okay with that. Yet, if I didn’t have my kids I’d be judged for that so either way it be an issue in somebody’s eyes.
I know that at some point in my life I’ll be able to enjoy myself and go out without my children, but I also know it won’t be soon. I’m not going to keep pressing the issue with others because my days of hoping they’ll change are over. I just hope they don’t blow my phone up once they have kids of their own and are ditched by their “friends”. I probably won’t be anywhere near them anyone so *shurgs*. I’m learning to find fun in making fun for my children. Whether it be going for a walk, going to the playground, painting, writing on the sidewalk with chalk, reading, or watching a movie, if it makes them happy then I’m happy.
As much as I’d love some adult company to talk about life, there’s no greater joy than seeing my kids happy.