Do you find yourself expressing your issues with your man and in the moment, he feels bad, but nothing changes? Do you always end up saying, “Fuck it I’ll do it myself” because he didn’t do something you asked him to? Do you keep telling yourself you know he’ll change even though he hasn’t in years? Well my dear you’re going to drive yourself crazy waiting for that change because it’s not coming unless…. YOU CHANGE! Let’s not act surprised that I just said that because I’m almost positive this is something you already knew. However, if you’ve never heard such, now you have, and you should give it a try because that little piece of advice might be the answer to all your problem(s).
I read in a book and have even heard some say that the way a man treats you is based off the way he was raised. I feel there’s truth to that, but not 100%. He may not have been raised that way, but seeing it be accepted could be his issue. Although, I do strongly feel it comes from the way others have allowed him to treat them. A man could’ve been raised to hold doors, clean up behind himself, spend his money wisely, and respect who he’s with in every way. But if he ends up with one or two – or even three – different women who have all allowed him to fall short of what he should be doing then he may feel every woman will accept his faults. Even though he wasn’t raised that way and knows right from wrong, they accepted his wrongs and made him feel he could get away with it so he’s going to try his hand with other women – and he’s probably been successful with them which is why he still hasn’t changed.
If I’ve learned anything about men in general, it’s that you can’t make them do anything they don’t want to. Whether it’s to be with you no matter how good you are to him, take care of his kids, see his wrongs, or even see his own potential. I’m not a man so I can’t tell you their thought process, but I am one who believes all men aren’t the same. Many women have allowed a few bad apples to spoil a chance for everyone which is the issue. You can’t punish every man for what you chose to deal with from the last and you can’t punish yourself by staying with him because you think all men are like him. What I’m saying is you’ve fed yourself to believe that all men are the same because of him so you’re making yourself suffer when you need to go find another. You keep pointing out all these wrongs in him, but when will you realize the wrong in you? – that you stay and accept it.
You know you have options, yet you come back to him at the end of every day. You keep looking for change knowing you’re never going to get it, not from him at least – and if you do get it, it won’t be anytime soon – but you’re choosing to stay. I’m not faulting you for anything just pointing out some things you may not realize. Read this carefully though, YOU MADE HIM COMFORTABLE NOW MAKE HIS ASS UNCOMFORTABLE.
I’m sure you’re afraid he’ll leave you, I’ve been you, but any real man is going to wonder why you changed not run from it. Sometimes change brings change and if it doesn’t then maybe it’s not meant to be. It’s solely up to you to continue being with him after you realize he won’t change no matter what. However, if you’re going to stay then you need to stop talking about it to everyone. I know that probably made you mad which is why you’re cursing me out through your screen right now, but it wasn’t to hurt your feelings yet it’s true which is why it did. If you want to vent then do that, but BE MINDFUL OF WHO YOU VENT TO IS ALL I’M SAYING. No one can make you do anything and no one is making you stay with that man, you’re choosing to – keep that in mind.
You ever listen to yourself vent to someone about your man? If yes, have you ever counted how many excuses you make for him to be how he is towards you? You ever notice you have all the answers to solve your issues with him? You ever notice you can point out everything wrong with him, but nothing wrong with the fact that you stay, and he probably isn’t forcing you to? If no, listen to yourself next time you’re venting about him and think about all you said after the conversation is over. If you’re one to own your faults you’ll realize you have these issues because you made them acceptable, not him. Sure, he’s a fuck up, but that’s only because you’re allowing him to be one. But if you’re one to only see the issues in others, then you’ll always be stuck complaining about this man until he leaves you or the day you die.
This isn’t an excuse for the wrongs of anyone, male or female, but this is something I had to learn and want you to keep in mind. Some people don’t know how to love so you have to teach them. You have to stop complaining, figure out if what you’re dealing with is a deal breaker or not, and go from there. Remaining the same will only allow him to become more and more comfortable and he’ll never see a need to change. You are enabling him to mistreat you and you need to own that.
If anyone knows, I know you love him because I’ve been in your shoes, but I also know the pain. Don’t stay because you’re afraid he’ll give someone else what you wanted him to give you. Maybe your purpose was to show him how to love and tell/show him why he needed to change. I’ll say that if you choose to walk away your heart won’t be broken forever. If you stay, then only you’ll know the outcome of that decision. There isn’t a right or wrong when it comes to what you want to do.